Normalcy
by EspoirDio
Summary: Drabble style account of Carol and Daryl trying to deal with life in Alexandria and how their struggles bring them closer.
1. Day 1

**A/N: So...me again. lol I keep having these Caryl ideas but they're mostly just scenes or drabbles. I find the idea of them struggling to achieve a sense of normalcy really fascinating and definitely think it could bring them closer. Let me know your thoughts? :)**

Normalcy

Day 1:

They'd arrived in Alexandria only a couple of hours ago and were still sticking together. Those who had dared, had taken a shower; others had wandered around town to assess the situation. But now they were all cooped up again in the living room trying to sleep.

She couldn't but not even the knowledge that she wasn't the only one was enough to help her. Instead she continued lying in the dark with her gaze directed up at the ceiling. The one particular spot she'd found seemed safe enough…at least for now. Since the outbreak she had come to learn that danger didn't always just exist around her, threatening to overwhelm her when she let down her guard, but that it could also be found behind her closed lids, in the few moments when her body gave in to fatigue. Then flashes of memories zapped through her mind, too terrible to be called nightmares. Sophia, Karen and David, Lizzie and Mika, Beth, Tyreese. The list of names would never stop and likewise the list of so-called safe places continued to grow. So nowadays the adrenalin kept pumping, kept her awake and alert at all times.

Carol glanced around, checking for slow, awkward movement and reminding herself where the quickest exit routes were. She did a brief head count as well and found that one was missing; Daryl, of course. He'd been acting like a caged lion all day and pretty much every day since they'd lost Beth.

She rose quietly and smoothly and stalked through the dark towards the door, nodding at Rick in passing who lay silent and watchful as well. She didn't have to walk much further to reach Daryl. He was perching on the fence of the porch, crossbow ready and peering into the night.

"Can't sleep?" he asked without averting his eyes, when she leaned against the wood right next to him.

"Looks like it," she nodded "and you?"

"Nah…keeping watch," he shrugged.

He looked tense and focused and Carol couldn't shake the impression that he was waiting for any excuse to pounce.

"I think Rick's got a plan," she continued, eyeing the perimeter.

"Good…there's something off about this place."

"You're only going to raise suspicion if you keep acting like this," she advised, carefully placing a hand between his shoulder blades.

"Don't care…" he muttered and she nodded.

"Just be careful," she then said and placed a light kiss on the crown of his head.

Her back was turned once more when he abandoned his vigilance for a few seconds to look after her retreating figure.


	2. Day 2

**A/N:** **After a sleepless night, Carol is threatening to be overwhelmed by her past. Warning: slightly graphic description.**

Day 2:

The sleep deprivation was starting to wear her out. But much like the others she was up early nonetheless; some of them had been promised jobs but Carol only had her interview to look forward to. She collected a pile of clothes from one of the cabinets where she'd put them down and then made her way over to the other had vacated his spot on the porch but she was certain that he was prowling around the walls.

The house was eerily silent and in consequence even the tiniest sound became deafening. To appease her instincts, Carol sneaked through the house, inspecting every corner before she found it safe enough to lock herself in the bathroom and shower. But even the warm water couldn't sooth her like it had once done after a particularly hard day with Ed.

When she stepped out again she walked over to the mirror to inspect herself. She needed to wipe it first with a towel and even then it took a while for her to realise that she was really looking at her own reflection. She had lost a lot of weight since they'd been on the road, making her small figure even leaner. But despite the scars and marks that still dotted her body in the most intimate places – reminders of Ed's actions – she was also pleased to see that she had developed some muscle. Her once short hair had grown and there was a determined gleam in her eyes now that definitely hadn't been there before. She bore the look of a fighter.

After a moment of intense observation she leaned in closer to inspect a red mark on her cheek. She couldn't recall having seen it before and for some reason this really worried her. It looked like the almond shaped indentation a fingernail could've left. To satisfy her curiosity, Carol placed her own finger on her cheek, trying to see if her nail fit in the little groove but it was too big. She frowned and tilted her head, noticing a number of other indentations, as if a tiny hand had been resting on her face.

When the wounds started to itch, she started scratching, first gently but then with growing desperation until little trails of blood trickled down her cheek. She swallowed and blinked, her vision swimming but the blood just wouldn't stop. There was something under her skin. She could feel it. It was trying to gnaw its way out and she was powerless to stop it.

Whimpering she began clawing at her flesh once more, scratching harshly until her nails encountered solid bone. She'd dug a hole big enough to show her what was housing inside her now. The shy blue eyes of a young girl she'd once known where staring back at her. And she screamed. She screamed loudly and agonisingly until this became the only sound she could hear. The ringing in her ears didn't stop either. It continued for several minutes. She didn't know how long.

She couldn't tell at which point he had kicked down the door, at which point he'd cradled her to his chest. But eventually his soothing whispers registered in her brain. She swallowed and looked up at him, half expecting him to recoil. Surely he'd seen the girl by now?

"What happened? Did you hurt yourself?"

"She's-," Carol tried to explain but couldn't produce more than a retching sound.

He was patting her arms up and down as if to check for any injuries. But all he could see was a small cut on her right cheek, probably from a twig that had hit her when they'd been running to the barn a couple of days ago. The terror in her eyes, however, was pointing at a different kind of wound.

"Have you slept tonight?" he asked her instead, trying to keep her engaged.

"Yes…no…a little…" she answered, her eyes still unfocused.

"Maybe you should try…"

"You were keeping watch outside," she argued, her forehead creasing into a frown.

"It's about you…" he shrugged.

"I'm fine…" she sighed and freed herself.

He allowed her to stand up, fasten the towel around her middle and glance briefly at the mirror.

"You sure?" he then questioned, studying her still.

"Positive," she nodded "sorry I scared you. I was just having a moment."She swallowed and resolutely turned her back on the mirror. "I have to get dressed now. Deanna is expecting me."

He nodded and stood as well and reluctantly left her to her own devices once more.


	3. Second Night

**A/N: Daryl needs to keep an eye on her after the events of the day...**

Second Night:

It had taken him by surprise that she had chosen the empty house above the one that the group still inhabited. This sudden preference of solitude over safety was worrying, especially because it seemed to have become a habit of hers ever since she had rescued them at Terminus. She was more likely to withdraw and handle things herself than consult another member of the group and he feared that she didn't realise just how vulnerable this made her. So Daryl did the only thing that made sense to him. He abandoned his lookout position and joined her.

She was setting up camp on the floor behind a sofa when he stepped into the upstairs living room.

"Some people'd prefer the couch," he pointed out and she startled upright once more.

He knew that if she would've had a gun nearby, she would've taken a shot at him.

"It's better cover," she explained unnecessarily, her chest rising and falling quickly; a clear sign of how much he had scared her.

"Perhaps you should've stayed with the others," he said, stepping closer until he could sit down on the armrest of the sofa.

But she ignored him. He studied her silently for a couple of minutes and then asked: "What happened with the girls, Carol?"

Her eyes flickered to him and then away once more and she slowly lowered herself onto her makeshift bed. "I've told you before that it won't do me any good to talk about it."

"What happened earlier then? I've never heard you scream like that." His eyes grew more concerned at the memory.

"I just had a moment, Daryl, I'm sure you have nightmares about Beth as well." she answered, a bit short.

It was a cheap shot and when she saw the expression on his face she instantly regretted it.

"If that's your definition of dealing, then I'm dealing with it as well," he muttered, brushing his fingers over the back of his left hand.

She sighed and lied down, staring up at the ceiling, much as she had done on her first night at the other house. After a couple of moments she felt the blanket shift as he sank down next to her.

"I made Deanna believe I was one of those typical housewives, happy to keep the home and look after my husband. I told her I was devastated after I'd lost Ed." she eventually said and he nodded.

He did wonder if she had mentioned Sophia but decided not to ask as she seemed unwilling to disclose more. "You trying to fit in or something?"

"Yes," she nodded "while you're making it obvious that you don't want to be here and while Rick is trying to keep his options open, I figured they should trust one of us at least. And trust me, there's no easier way to become invisible than by acting like the perfect housewife."

"And then what?" he questioned, tilting his head to look at her.

Carol mirrored his actions with a ghost of a smile on her lips. "Then I'll get our weapons back…"

"Sounds like a plan for now…" he acknowledged and sat upright again "do you want the lights off?"

She nodded and he crossed the room to do so. When he returned she had curled up with her back to him and so he lied down behind her with just a small gap separating their bodies. She could feel the warmth of his body and his breath as it tickled the back of her neck and miraculously she found herself relaxing for the first time in a while.

"I'm sorry about earlier…what I said about you and Beth…"

"It's okay," he replied but cleared his throat in an uncomfortable manner "just start talking about whatever it is that's bugging you."

"Maybe," she sighed and reached back to give his leg a squeeze "try and get some sleep as well, okay?"

He smiled and remained silent, knowing that he'd be more likely to keep watch over her instead.


	4. Day 3

**A/N: Needed a bit of fluff...well...sorta...Thanks for reading! :)**

Day 3:

Her eyes were closed, her body relaxed and warm sunlight came streaming in through the window under which she was lying. She didn't move and only listened. She could hear people calling out to each other, not yelling warnings, but simply exchanging greetings and once their voices had subsided she could even hear birds. Was it Spring? Summer? Her nose scrunched as she focused on trying to remember. But it was a long time since she had thought about such mundane matters, too long, apparently.

She knew that she was meant to feel at peace now or perhaps relieved and hopeful at least. But instead all these old, familiar sounds now sounded foreign and started to fill her with a sense of dread that left her restless.

Suddenly someone behind her let out an almighty snore and her eyes flew open while she bolted upright. But it was only Daryl who had seemed to have found some rest at last. Carol remained sitting and wondered if she had ever seen him like that. He was lying on his side and had curled up around her, his arm forming an arch over the spot her head had been resting on a moment ago.

Seeing him like this made her think of the man he had been when they had first met each other. Always under Merle's thumb he'd acted shy and almost clumsy around her but even then his gestures had never failed to affect her. Perhaps she did owe him the truth about the events at the grove although she knew that he was unlikely to push her about it once more.

Shifting onto her knees Carol reached out a hand. She knew that she was going to startle him and pull him out of the first good night's sleep he'd had in a while but she couldn't help herself, she needed to touch him. Her hand settled lightly and carefully on his hair and when he didn't move she gently brushed a couple of strands out of his face. Swallowing silently she then lowered her hand to cup his cheek, smiling when his beard tickled her skin. But within seconds the moment was broken when his hand jerked up and grabbed her by the throat. He was panting, his eyes darting around wildly until he realised that it was her he was almost choking.

"What the hell are you doin'?" he muttered, releasing her at once.

Carol felt her throat carefully, checking for any damage but there was none. She could feel herself trembling but only lightly and knew that it had been her own fault she'd been attacked.

"I was just looking at your hair," she answered with a small smile "it's getting very long. Perhaps you can have it cut here."

"Nah," he sat up as well, flexing his left hand as if to shake the adrenalin out of his fingers "not gonna let anyone here touch me."

"Might be useful though if you could see the walkers approach," she teased him gently, knowing that he was as prone now to hide behind his hair as he was to hide behind his crossbow.

But then her eyes caught the movement of his fingers and the smile died on her face. He had a cigarette burn and she knew for certain that he had inflicted it himself. But now wasn't a good time to ask him about it. He was already defensive and would likely deny things or shrug them off. So Carol forced the smile onto her face once more.

"I'll go and take a shower, okay? I still have some more clothes left at the other house."

"Okay," he nodded and let her stand up "sorry if I hurt you."

"You didn't," she smiled a little and then walked out of the room.

* * *

Everyone was awake when she entered the house. Some of the group had left already and the others were getting ready. She collected the fresh clothes from the same spot she had done the previous day and then made her way up to the bathroom. She resisted the urge to cover the mirror but made sure to keep her back to it the whole time.

While the warm water rushed over her body she rubbed her face, trying to sort through the thoughts that were invading her mind. She needed to talk to Daryl but she also knew that securing some weapons needed to take priority. It was time to take on the role she had created the previous day.

And emerging in a pair of simple slacks, a white blouse and a blue cardigan it wasn't that difficult to feel the part. She wasn't surprised to find Daryl back on the porch once more.

"Off to punch the clock and make the casseroles," she announced, tugging at the hem of her top.

"What?" he glanced up, displeasure written all over his face.

"To make dinner for the older people, moms who need a break…people who can't cook…" she trailed off and then added when his expression didn't change "Get to meet a lot of neighbours that way."

But he only snorted. "Alright…"

"Have you even taken a shower yet?" she asked, in an attempt to change the topic.

"Mmh…"

Her eyes narrowed. "Take a shower…I'm gonna wash that vest. We need to keep up appearances…even you."

"I ain't gonna start now," he shrugged and she shook her head, walking down the stairs.

"I'll hose you down in your sleep."

She'd barely made it past the house when he tilted his head and called after her: "You look ridiculous."

But somehow that statement only made her smile.


	5. Third Night

**A/N: Things don't go so smoothly...**

Third Night:

Carol hadn't anticipated that pretending to be someone else would cost her so much energy. Walking down the street to her house with the sun setting behind her and the gravel crunching beneath her feet, she felt that she was still struggling to separate that new persona from her real one. Especially because that new person wasn't so new, after all. Throughout her marriage to Ed she had been that woman, she had tried to keep the home perfect and clean and she had prepared delicious meals for him in an effort to please and pacify him. So at times that day she had found herself caught between her new instincts and her old habits, losing touch with who she had become.

Relief flooded through her when the house came into view and with it Daryl who was waiting for her on the steps leading up to the porch.

"Aww…didn't bring any food home, pookie?" he teased her and she chuckled, feeling her shoulders relax.

Of course with him around it wasn't so difficult anymore to remember who she was.

"I'll bring you something when you take a shower," she replied, grazing his arm in passing.

He smiled a little and followed her inside the house.

"Thought you wanted to hose me down in my sleep," he then reminded her and she chuckled.

"It was meant to scare you off…not to motivate you."

He shrugged and sat down on a stool by the kitchen island; his eyes were glistening as they always did when he was amused by something. And she liked causing it, especially since he hadn't looked like that very often since Beth had been killed. Thinking of her though brought back memories of the discovery she had made that morning and suddenly she couldn't wait any longer.

"You couldn't have done anything, Daryl," she stated carefully "not for Beth, not for Tyreese, not for anyone else."

He tensed and gripped the edge of the island until his knuckles turned white.

"I coulda saved her…" he muttered "she was standing right there. I shoulda just grabbed her and…"

"It wasn't meant to go like that…"

"So what? You think that there's a greater purpose to this? A greater plan? Some of us just aren't meant to make it and others are?" he challenged, rising to his feet quickly.

"I-" she started but he cut her off.

"That's bullshit…man…"he shook his head "What about Sophia, huh? Was she meant to die as well? Are you telling me there's a reason for her death?"

Carol swallowed and cast her eyes downwards. She was beginning to feel raw again, could feel the little girl shift beneath her skin once more.

"Bullshit," Daryl repeated and strode towards the front door.

She made no effort to stop him but had begun to scratch at her cheek again.


End file.
